Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
