His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
