Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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