the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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