I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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