I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
