Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
