She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
