well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
