You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
