it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
