guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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