I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
