U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
