She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
