I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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