White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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