there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
