We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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