Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
