If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
