Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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