Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
