I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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