I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
