He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
