i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
