He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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