booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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