Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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