I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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