why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
