If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
time to smoke my breakfast
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
