my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
