k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm experimenting with sincerity
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
