I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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