why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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