so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
