I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
