I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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