Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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