I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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