There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
