she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
