I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
