glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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