i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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