I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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