y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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