Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
