my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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