I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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