I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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