fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
