Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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