im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
