eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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