Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
