Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
