at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
