True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
