the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
