making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize