I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
