I never want to see another naked old woman again.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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