JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
