It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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