I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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