Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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