Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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