I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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