You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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