On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
