I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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