at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
