I don't think brook has ever known best
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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