for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
