8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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