She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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