I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
